shake the glitter off your clothes now,

one of the priests in my church just passed away.
i just returned from the wake.

i always feel slightly awkward at wakes. i never know what to do. i never know how i'm supposed to feel. i almost wish i knew the person better so i could grieve properly. but then again, even when i didn't know him well, it was hard for me to imagine that i wouldn't be seeing him, his old cheerful and serene self, in church ever again.

it was open casket, so we went up to look at him before he is to be cremated.

it is like staring mortality straight in the face.

it makes me wonder, how many more funeral wakes do i have to attend? and how and for whom will i grieve?
it makes me wonder, when my own would be, how short and transitory our lives actually are.
it makes me wonder, how long before we all forget about his passing and return to our normal routines?

every new day is a gift.

mad world

AMANDA LOVES PARAMORE, AMONG OTHER THINGS.

AND YES, MY BLOG IS FULL OF LYRICS.

IGNORANCE - PARAMORE

if im a bad person,
you don't like me,
i guess i'll go
make my own way
its a circle
a mean cycle
i can't excite you anymore.

where's your gavel? your jury?
what's my offense this time?
you're not a judge,
but if you're gonna judge me
well,sentence me to another life.

don't wanna hear your sad songs
i don't wanna feel your pain
when you swear its all my fault,
'cause you know we're not the same
oh, we're not the same
the friends who stuck together
we wrote our names in blood
but i guess you can't accept that the change is good.
its good.

this is the best thing that could have ever happened,
any longer and i wouldn't have made it
it's not a war, no.
it's not a rapture.
i'm just a person,
but you can't take it.
the same tricks that once fooled me,
they won't get you anywhere.
i'm not the same kid from your memory,
i can fend for myself.

you treat me just like another stranger
well, it's nice to meet you, sir.
i guess i'll go,
i best be on my way out.

ignorance is your new best friend.

bitter heart, my bitter heart

copyright, Sheerie the Fay.

are we all not fighting hard to achieve what we want in life?
we wait for the right moment, to take a chance and pounce.
what if, we arrive at our destination, only to find that it is entirely different from what we'd hoped for.
are we really willing to take that leap of faith,
towards possible hurt and disappointment.
would we be more content just wallowing in self-pity,
with the thought that if you don't try,
at least you don't fail.

when the dust settles,
what is left?
what do you really want?
where are you going?

who knows.

FALLING FOR YOU - COLBIE CAILIAT

i don't know but
i think i may be
falling for you.

dropping so quickly
maybe i should
keep this to myself
waiting 'til
i know you better.

i am trying
not to tell you
but i want to

i'm scared of what you'll say
so i'm hiding what i'm feeling
but i'm tired
of holding this inside my head.

i've been spending all my time
just thinking about you
i don't know what to do
i think i'm falling for you
i've been waiting all my life
and now i've found you
i think i'm falling for you

as i'm standing here
and you hold my hand
pull me towards you
and we start to dance
all around us
i see nobody
here in silence,
its just you and me.

boy, you're dangerous

SMILE - UNCLE KRACKER

you're better than the best
i'm lucky just to linger in your light
cooler than the flip side of my pillow,
that's right.
completely unaware,
nothing can compare to where you send me
let me know that its okay, its okay
at the moments when my good times start to fade

you make me smile like the sun
fall out of bed,
sing like a bird,
dizzy in my head,
spin like a record crazy on a Sunday night,
you make me dance like a fool,
forget how to breathe
shine like gold,
buzz like a bee
just the thought of you can drive me wild,
oh, you make me smile.

even when you're gone,
somehow you come along,
just like a flower poking out of the sidewalk crack.
you steal away the rain,
just like that.

LES MISERABLES

I DREAMED A DREAM

There was a time when men were kind
when their voices were soft
and their words inviting.
There was a time when love was blind
and the world was a song
and the song was exciting.
There was a time
then it all went wrong.

I dreamed a dream in time gone by
when hope was high
and life worth living
I dreamed that love would never die
I dreamed that God would be forgiving
then I was young and unafraid
when dreams were made and used
and wasted

There was no ransom to be paid
no song unsung no wine untasted
but the tigers come at night
with their voices as soft as thunder
as they tear your hope apart
as they turn your dream to shame.

He slept a summer by my side
he filled my days with endless wonder
he took my childhood in his stride
but he was gone when autumn came.

And still I dream he'll come to me
we will live the years together.
but there are dreams that cannot be
and there are storms we cannot weather.

I had a dream my life would be,
so different from this hell I'm living.
So different now from what it seemed,
now life has killed the dream I dreamed.

i am bigger than my body gives me credit for.

ludicrous : having to write a 1000 word essay about a man whos turned into a cockroach.

who's complaining?

not me.

i tear my heart open

thanks for all the support, guys :D manymuchinfinitelove.

i've been told i look like a little boy/monkey (:
i can imagine how hard it must be for girls my age to suddenly lose their hair. at least i had a choice in the matter. but i can't imagine how it must be for someone to lose their hair against their will,against their best hopes and wishes, and to be reminded of it everytime they pass by a reflective surface.

phew, its a tough life.

SITTING, WAITING, WISHING - JACK JOHNSON

now i was sitting, waiting, wishing
that you believed in superstitions
then maybe you'd see the signs
but Lord knows that this world is cruel.
no, i ain't the Lord
no, i'm just a fool.
learning, in loving somebody
don't make them love you.

must i always be waiting, waiting on you?
must i always be playing, playing your fool?

i sing you songs
i dance a dance
i gave your friends all a chance
putting up with them wasnt worth never having you.
maybe you've been through this before
but its my first time
so please ignore
the next few lines
'cause they're directed at you.

i keep playing your cards
but its not my scene
won't this plot not twist?
i've had enough mystery.
keep building it up,
then shooting me down.
but i'm already down.
just wait a minute,
sit and wait.

well, if i was in your position
i'd put down my ammunition
and i'd wonder why it's taken me so long
but Lord knows, i'm not you
and if i was, i wouldn't be so cruel.
'cause waiting on love ain't so easy to do.

BALD IS BEAUTIFUL.

Hair.
In biological terms, its just keratin. a protein. same stuff that makes up your nails and rhino horns.
yet, it can be so important for one's appearance. some call it their 'crowning glory'.
some say 'girls shouldn't shave their heads, its weird.'

well, here we go. im bald.
i think of it as my little triumph over conformism, over the stereotypical views of beauty that society places on women, over apathy.



To anyone who has cancer or known someone with cancer, this is for you.

loathing, unadulterated loathing.

one more day to baldie amanda.
one more day to harry potter HBP (!)
one more day to friday.
choir tmr.
yay :D

discovery of the day :

new canteen's chicken rice is goooooooooooooooooooood.

3 days into school and already 2 presentations and several upcoming projects.
what's new?

and you can't fight the tears that ain't coming.

MEH.

OKAY THIS IS GETTING STUPID. I FEEL LIKE A PRIMARY SCHOOL KID, FUSSING OVER THE FIRST DAY OF SCH AFTER THE HOLIDAYS. BUT EH, ITS NOT THE SAME WHEN YOUR TERMS ARE PRACTICALLY 6 MONTHS LONG AND THIS IS PROBABLY THE LAST (REAL) HOLIDAY I'LL BE GETTING UNTIL THE END OF IB. AND ITS ENDING! ):<

OH WELL. IM KINDA EXCITED TO SEE EVERYONE AGAIN :DDDD
I'LL TAKE WHATEVER THAT COMES MY WAY, LIKKA MAN! COS IM TOUGH. YEAH.

HERE WE GO~

all that i know is im breathing.

LYRIC SPAM COS I CAN. NYAH. :P

GIVING UP - INGRID MICHAELSON

what if we stop having a ball?
what if the paint chips from the wall?
what if there's always cups in the sink?
what if im not what you think i am?

what if i fall further than you?
what if you dream of somebody new?
what if i never let you in?
chase you with a rolling pin?
well, what if i do?

'cause i am giving up
i am making passes
and i'm giving up
on half empty glasses
and i'm giving up
on greener pastures
i am giving up.

what if our baby comes in after nine?
what if your eyes close before mine?
what if you lose yourself sometime?
i'll be the one to find you, safe in my heart.

'cause i am giving up
i am giving up, for you.

YOU AND I - INGRID MICHAELSON

don't you worry there, my honey
we might not have any money
but we've got our love to pay the bills

maybe i think you're cute and funny
maybe i wanna do what bunnies do with you,
if you know what i mean

oh, let's get rich
and buy our parents houses in the south of france
let's get rich
and buy everyone nice sweaters
and teach them how to dance
let's get rich
and build our house on a mountain
making everybody look like ants
from way up there, you and i, you and i.

well, you might be a bit confused,
and you might be a little bit bruised
but baby,
how we spoon like nobody else.
so i will help you read those books,
you will soothe my worried looks,
and we will put lonesome on the shelf.

DIE ALONE - INGRID MICHAELSON

i woke up this morning
with a funny taste in my head
speckled some butter over my wholegrain bread
something tastes different,
maybe its my tongue
something tastes different,
suddenly i'm not so young.

i'm just a stranger,
even to myself.
a re-arranger of the proverbial bookshelf,
don't be a fool, girl,
tell him you love him.
don't be a fool, girl,
you're not above him.

i never thought i could love anyone but myself
now i know,
i can't love anyone but you.
you make me think that
maybe i won't die alone
maybe i won't die alone

what have i become?
something soft and really quite dumb.
because i've fallen,
so far away from the place i've started from.

live your life with arms wide open

NEVER SAY NEVER - THE FRAY

there are some things we don't talk about
rather, do without
and just hold the smile
falling in and out of love
ashamed and proud of,
together,
all the while.

you can never say never
why, we don't know when,
time and time again,
younger now,
than we were before.

don't let me go
don't let me go.

picture you're the queen of everything,
as far as the eye can see
under your command
i'll be your guardian
when all is crumbling,
steady your hand.

don't let me go.

there's something about her,

today's episode of amanda's life is brought to you by the word "meh"

definition :
a word used to express distaste and mild dislike and resentment. however, often used in a context where the subject has no other alternative/choice/say in the matter, used to indicate one's feeling of being resigned to one's fate and desire to move on, both literally (in the conversation) and figuratively (in reality).

waking up at 6 am? meh.
someone's graduating at the end of this term? meh.
finals? meh.
IB? meh.
the unforeseen future? meh.

can't let the music stop
can't let this feeling end
'cos if i do, it'll all be over
i'll never see you again.

you're a rockstar, everybody wants you

ITS FRIDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY.

normally this would be cause for jubilation and celebration, but, its the friday before school starts. this calls for some scary music *dum dum dum*

they try to tell me how to feel,

emails regarding school issues are starting to flood my inbox.
aaaand its only 4 more days before school begins.
i am torn. Torn between my love for school, my love for the buzz of activity, the busy-ness of life, reprieve from this infernal boredom and the endless stream of tasks, expectations, stress, assessments, drama, tension and so on.
i somehow can't wait for school to begin, but i don't want it to come :/
as with a lot of things in life, i guess, the only way out is forward.





the future freaks me out,
i love you and that's all i really know.

shut up and put your money where your mouth is.

sigh, the tagboard lady is right.

i am losing my touch! where is the old, cynical, witty amanda? the amanda who goes 'boys are stupid throw rocks at them'? the amanda who once said she would buy a big house with cheryl and both of them would live in it with millions of pretty bags and shoes and not care about guys forever.

all i can say is, happy people don't make very interesting bloggers. (:

BLUE EYES - MIKA

your heart is broken,
to your surprise.
you're sick of crying for blue eyes,
so tired of living misunderstood,
think hard, woman,
i think you should.

come, sorrow is so peculiar,
it comes in a day,
then it'll never leave you.
you take a pill,
wonder if it will fix you,
then wonder why sorrow has never left you.

i'm talking about blue eyes, blue eyes,
what's the matter, matter?
so blind, so blind,
what's the matter, matter?
blue eyes, blue eyes,
what's the matter with you?

oh you'll wind up broken,
at the end of the round
won't find your spirit,
in a lost and found.
oh, i've been watching,
how you behave.
not like a lover,
more like a slave.

this just can't be summer love.

kiss me, under the milky twilight,
oh, lead me out onto the moonlit floor,
lift your open hand,
strike up the band and make the fireflies dance,
silver moon's sparkling.

but i'm in so deep,
you know i'm such a fool for you,
you got me wrapped around your finger.

love is a dangerous pastime,
caught between madness and gladness of flight,
nothing is wrong and nothing is right,
falling asleep in your arms every night.

you are my sweetest downfall,
i loved you first,
i loved you first.



fourth of july ♥

just give up the game, and get into me.

when i was just a little girl,
i asked my mother,
what will i be?

will i be pretty?
will i be rich?
here's what she said to me.

que sera sera,
whatever will be, will be.
the future's not for us to see.
que, sera sera.

when i was young,
i fell in love.
i asked my sweetheart,
what lies ahead?
will we have rainbows,
day after day?
here's what my sweetheart said.

now i have children of my own,
they ask their mother,
what will i be?
will i be handsome,
will i be rich?
i tell them tenderly.

que sera sera
whatever will be,
will be.
the future's not ours to see
que sera sera.